Be Strong
by sammit-janet
Summary: This takes place at the end of Season 3 after Dean has gone to hell.
1. Chapter 1

I woke to the sounds of screams filling my ears. I turned on the light on the nightstand and rubbed my eyes.

"No! Stop it! Dean! No!" Sam was sitting up in bed, punching at the air, and he was covered in sweat. I jumped out of my bed and ran to him, grabbing his arms to stop him from flailing.

"Sam! Wake up! Sam!" I yelled as loud as I could until his eyes opened. He looked confused for a second and then realized where he was.

"(Y/N)," Sam dissolved into tears and I pulled him into my arms. I hugged him as hard as I could and he tangled his hands in my shirt.

"It's okay, I'm here," I bit back tears of my own, trying to stay strong for Sam.

"It was like I was there all over again. The hellhounds were ripping him apart and Lillith was laughing and–oh God," his whole body shook with the horror of the memory.

"I'm so sorry Sam, I wish I could bring him back," my voice broke. No, I was not going to break, I had to stay strong, Sam needed me.

He sat back on the bed, wiped his eyes, and ran his hands through his hair. "There's got to be something, some way to get him out of hell, I just know it," he got out of the bed and went to the little table in the hotel room, cracking open his laptop. I opened my mouth to tell him to get back in bed and rest but I shut it. It made him feel better, so I let him research, even though I knew it was pointless.

"I'm going to take a shower," I got up and went into the bathroom. I shut the door, turned on the faucet, and then I broke, grabbing a towel and sobbing into it. What was I going to do? How could I make it better? Sam was hurting so bad and there was nothing I could do.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door, "(Y/N)?"

I tried to hide the fact that I had been crying, "Yeah?"

"Can I come in?"

"Just a minute," I wiped my face, checked the mirror to see if it looked like I had been crying, turned off the shower, and then opened the door. "What's up?" I asked casually.

"I heard you. The door isn't soundproof you know," his brow furrowed in concern.

"I'm so sorry Sam," I broke down again, "I'm trying to stay strong for you but I miss him too, and it hurts so damn much."

He grabbed me and pulled me into his arms, "Yeah, it does."

I cried on his chest while he rested his chin on my head and shed a few more tears of his own.

A few days later, we were both sitting at the table researching when Sam's phone rang.

"Hello?" he answered it before I got a chance to look at the Caller ID. "Yeah, I'll be right there," he grabbed his coat and the keys. "Be right back."

"O–Okay," I looked at him in confusion. Who the hell was he meeting that I couldn't go too?

"Don't worry, I won't be long," he gave me a reassuring smile.

"Sure," I nodded and gave him a half-smile. He left and I watched out the window to make sure he was gone before I called Bobby.

"He's gone again Bobby. His phone rang and he left and didn't even ask me if I wanted to come. What the hell is going on?"

"Have you thought about following him?" Bobby asked.

"How can I? He takes the car every time."

"It's definitely strange."

"I'm going to ask him what's going on when he gets back," I said.

"Are you sure?"

"I just want to make sure he's not doing something dangerous. He's still pretty broken up over Dean and I'm not sure where his head is at right now."

"Yeah, I'm worried about him too. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. Some days are harder than others. I'm just glad I was outside with you when it happened. Sounds like it was pretty horrific."

"Yeah, I know why Sam wouldn't let you see Dean's body before we buried it. It was—bad," I heard Bobby's voice get thick with emotion and I knew I was going to cry again if I didn't get off the phone.

"All right, well, I'll talk to him when he gets back and let you know what he says, bye Bobby."

"Bye (Y/N)."

I hung up, took a deep breath and prepared what I was going to say when Sam got back.

I had fallen asleep when I heard the door to our hotel room open softly. I rolled over and turned on the light and Sam stopped halfway in the door, a sheepish look on his face.

"Sorry, I was trying not to wake you," he set the keys down on the table and sat on his bed.

"S'okay," I mumbled. I sat up in the bed and looked at him. He looked rough, like he had been out on a drinking binge. "Sam, where were you?"

He looked down at his hands, "Out."

"Yeah, no shit. Where did you go? Who was that on the phone?"

"No one, don't worry about it," he got up and walked towards the bathroom, "I'm going to take a shower."

"Sam, wait!" I got up and grabbed his arm. "What is going on? I'm really worried about you."

He wouldn't look at me, he just started straight ahead, "You don't need to be worried, okay? I'm fine." He yanked his arm out of my grasp and slammed the door to the bathroom.

I stood there in shock, what was happening? He was never rude to me like that. I waited until I heard the shower running and went and dug his phone out of his coat pocket. I opened the received calls menu and looked at the number. Should I? Yes, I should, I hit "Dial". The phone rang and a female voice answered after a couple rings, "Hey Sam, what's up?" I sat there in silence, who the hell was this? "Sam?" I tried to recognize the voice but I didn't. I hung up and put the phone back in his pocket. A girl? That's what all the sneaking around was about?

When Sam came out of the bathroom again I was sitting on my bed, arms crossed. "Who is she Sam?"

"What?" he ran his hands through his wet hair and looked at me in shock.

"The girl you've been sneaking off to see, who is she?"

"How do you know it's a girl?"

"She called while you were in the shower," I lied.

"Why did you answer my phone?" he was getting angry.

"Because I thought it might be Bobby!" I yelled back.

"Jesus (Y/N) you're acting like you're my girlfriend or something!"

That one hurt. Sam knew my feelings for him but we had decided to just remain friends because with us both being hunters there was greater potential for the monsters to use us against each other. I shut my mouth and laid down on the bed with my back to him. I heard him breathe a deep sigh and sit on his bed.

"I'm sorry, that came out wrong. It's not what you think okay?"

"Then what is it?" I mumbled.

"The girl is–it's Ruby."

I sat up and turned around, "Ruby?!"

"Yes, okay. She's back. She's trying to help me track down Lillith. Plus, she's showing me things I can do–things that help people."

"What things?"

"You're not going to like it."

"Try me," I stared at him.

"I can–exorcise demons without hurting the people they're possessing."

"How?"

"I–by using my power," he looked down at his hands.

"Your power? You mean the psychic thing?"

"Yes, I can exorcise the demon with my mind and then the person doesn't get hurt."

"With–your mind," I sat back on the bed, that was a lot to take in.

He looked up from his hands and said, "See? Told you you weren't going to like it."

"I–I mean, you're getting rid of demons without hurting the people so that's a good thing, it's just–I don't understand how?"

"I don't either. I guess Azazel's blood helps some."

"I don't know if that's a good thing Sam, that scares me."

"Honestly, it scares me a little too, but it makes me feel better to save people than kill them with the demon knife."

"Yeah–just be careful Sam. I don't know if I trust Ruby 100%."

"I don't either. But if she can help me track down Lillith, then I'll use her for that and be done with her for good."

"Ok, well, I'm beat, ready to turn in?"

"Yeah, good night," he laid down and turned off the light. I sat in the darkness, going over what he just told me in my head. It gave me an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I would just keep an eye on him, that's all.

The next day I took the car and went to get us some food while Sam stayed at the hotel. I forgot my purse so I had to turn around and go back. I opened the door to the room and Sam jumped and wiped his mouth, "What are you doing back so soon?" He had a silver flask in his hand I had never seen before.

"What is that?" I saw some red in the corner of his mouth and stalked across the room and grabbed the flask out of his hand. I lifted it to my nose and a copper smell came wafting up to greet me. "Is this blood? Sam, what the hell?"

"It's–I need it so that I can use my power," he tried to grab it from me but I stepped back away from him.

"What are you talking about? How does blood help you do that?"

"It's not human blood, it's–demon–blood," he turned away from me.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! You're drinking demon blood?!"

"It's okay–"

"No, it's not! Sam what is wrong with you?! Do you not see how messed up this is?!"

"It helps me exorcise the demons!"

"I don't care! If you have to do **this** in order to accomplish **that** then kill them with the damn knife!"

"It's okay (Y/N) it's not turning me into a demon or anything!"

"Oh my god Sam, I can't–I can't even look at you right now. I gotta go," I put the flask in my pocket and stormed out of the room, slamming the door. I put the Impala in gear and sped off. I got halfway down the road before I had to pull over, I was going to crash if I kept going because I couldn't see through the tears. I knew Sam was distraught over losing his brother, but I didn't know he was **that**distraught.

A couple hours later I drove back to the hotel. I walked in the room to find it…empty? What the hell? All of Sam's stuff was gone and there was a note on the table. My stomach sank, that couldn't be good. I picked it up with trembling hands.

"(Y/N), I have gone with Ruby so she can keep teaching me what she needs to teach me without upsetting you. I need to do this (Y/N), please understand. It will help me find Lillith and get revenge for what she did to my brother. Please be careful, don't go hunting by yourself. Maybe you should go stay with Bobby. I hope to see you again after this is all over. Be strong. - Sam"

I sat down on his bed, I couldn't breathe. He just–left me? Just like that? After all we had been through? I couldn't understand it. I tried to call his cell phone but it said the number was no longer in service. He had changed his number already. I pulled the flask out of my pocket and stared at it. Damn that Ruby! Damn her straight to hell! I threw the flask across the room and blood splattered on the wall. I flipped my cell back open and dialed Bobby's number.

"Bobby, can I come stay with you for a while?"

"Sure (Y/N), what's going on?"

I burst into tears.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey (Y/N), hand me that gun will ya? I'm done with this one," Bobby laid the gun he had been cleaning on the table.

"Sure Bobby," I handed him the shotgun and started reading again.

"Find anything yet?"

"Nope," I sighed and rubbed my eyes. "There has to be some way Bobby. It's been four months and we are no closer to getting Dean out of hell. Sam is God knows where with that bitch Ruby, and I–I just–"

"I know," Bobby looked at me, grabbed the bottle of whiskey on the table and poured me a glass. "Here."

"Thanks," I took a big drink and felt it burn all the way down to my stomach.

"Maybe you should take a break."

"Yeah, I guess so," I closed the book and dropped it on the table with a thud. I stood up, stretching and cracking my back and laid down on the couch. "Don't let me sleep longer than an hour though."

"You got it," Bobby nodded.

My eyes were just about to close when Bobby's phone rang.

Bobby picked it up and said, "Yeah?…Yeah?…Who's me?…" his face screwed up like he had tasted something sour and he slammed the phone down.

"What was that?" I asked him.

"Nothing, don't worry about it," he growled.

"Bobby?"

Just then the phone rang again. Bobby snatched it out of its cradle and said, "Who is this?…This ain't funny. Call again and I'll kill ya," and slammed it back down again.

"Bobby? Who the hell was that?"

"He said he was Dean," Bobby snarled and took a drink.

"He said–he was Dean? Bobby, I don't understand?"

"Some demon thinks he's a regular Artie Johnson," he stomped into the kitchen and slammed the whiskey bottle on the table.

I got up from the couch and walked over to Bobby. "I miss him too," I hugged him and at first he stiffened up, but he finally relented and hugged me back.

A few hours later I was back to researching and Bobby was back to cleaning guns when there was a knock at the door. I looked at Bobby, "You expecting someone?"

He shook his head no and got up to answer the door. I followed with my gun hidden behind my back. Bobby opened the door and I almost fell on the floor. Dean was standing there, covered in dirt and sweat. At least it looked like Dean, but how could it be him? He smiled and said, "Surprise."

Bobby took a step back in shock, "I–I don't–"

"Yeah me neither," Dean said, stepping inside the house, "but here I am."

Bobby stared at Dean and suddenly he was rushing at him with his silver knife. "Bobby!" I screamed and tried to grab him from behind. Dean tussled with Bobby and they shoved me backwards into the kitchen. Bobby managed to punch Dean in the face as Dean yelled "Bobby, it's me!" I was sitting on the kitchen floor staring up at him as he grabbed the chair and put it between him and Bobby.

"My ass!" Bobby said, advancing on him again.

"Whoa! Wait! Your name is Robert Steven Singer…you became a hunter after your wife got possessed…you're about the closest thing I have to a father! Bobby, it's me."

Bobby slid the chair out of the way and touched Dean's shoulder, trying to make sure he was real. Suddenly he slashed at him with the knife again.

"Bobby! It's him!" I yelled from the floor.

Dean wrestled with Bobby and got the knife out of his hand, shoving him away, "I am not a shapeshifter!"

"Well then you're a revenant!" Bobby yelled.

"All right, if I was either, could I do this with a silver knife?" Dean said, rolling up his sleeve. He cut his arm and blood came out. I looked back and forth between Dean and Bobby.

"Dean?" Bobby's voice was barely a whisper.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you," Dean said.

Bobby grabbed Dean and hugged him like he never wanted to let him go. They broke apart and Dean turned to me, still sitting on the floor.

"Hey (Y/N)," he said, putting his hand out to help me up off the floor.

"Dean!" I jumped up and wrapped my arms and legs around him, crying.

He chuckled and kissed the side of my head, "It's good to see you too."

He put me down and turned to Bobby who immediately splashed him in the face with holy water. He stopped, turned his head, spit the water out of his mouth, and said, "I'm not a demon either you know?"

Bobby shrugged sheepishly and said, "Sorry, can't be too careful."

I giggled and said, "Are you hungry? You want something to eat?"

"God yes, thanks (Y/N)," Dean sat down at the kitchen table and wiped his face with the towel I handed him.

While he ate Dean told us about how he woke up in the pine box, climbed out, showed us this crazy hand print on his arm, and asked about Sam. He wasn't too happy about the fact that neither one of us had heard from him in months. Once he located him using the GPS on his phone we hit the road to go find him. I was very uneasy the whole ride. How would Sam react to seeing me? The last time we talked I had yelled at him. We hadn't exactly separated on good terms.

We found the hotel Sam was staying at and went to the room. Dean banged on the door and a really hot chick answered the door in her underwear. Oh God, please don't let this be the right room.

"So where is it?" she asked.

"Where's what?" Dean said.

"The pizza that takes two guys to deliver," I guess she didn't see me, hanging back, halfway down the hall.

"I think we got the wrong room," Dean said, starting to turn away.

Suddenly Sam came around the corner. Oh God, he looked so good. He was wet, I could tell he had just gotten out of the shower. So he **was** with this girl. I couldn't stay to watch anything else. I ran down the hall and down the stairs, back to Bobby's car. I jumped in the backseat and cried my eyes out. I was so stupid. Why had I pushed him away? Maybe he would be with me now instead of some slut in a hotel room.

Suddenly I saw her walking through the parking lot. I stared daggers at her, boy, if looks could kill she would be dead three times over. Wait a minute, was that, Ruby? It had to be, Sam said he was going off with Ruby in that letter he left me. She must have found a new meat suit after Lillith dumped her out of the old one.

I jumped out of the backseat and ran towards her, "Ruby!" She turned and looked, it **was** her! "Get over here you bitch!"

"Really? You're giving me orders? I don't think so," she had me on my back, her hand around my throat before I could even blink.

"What have you done to Sam," I choked out, pulling on her wrist.

"I've made him into who he is supposed to be. Powerful, feared by demons, an ass-kicking killing machine."

"Still feeding him demon blood?" I snarled.

She looked a little taken aback by that one, I guess she figured I didn't know. "Whatever it takes," she slammed my head into the asphalt and I was out.

I woke up lying on something soft and two blobs were floating around in front of my eyes.

"(Y/N)?" I heard a voice but I couldn't focus on who was saying it. Someone took my hand and I could tell it was Sam. "(Y/N) are you all right?"

I felt something cool on my forehead and finally my vision cleared up. Dean was on one side of the bed holding a washcloth to my head and Sam was on the other, holding my hand.

"Just like old times," I joked and then winced and grabbed my head.

"Hey, take it easy. We found you lying in the parking lot, knocked out cold. What happened?" Dean said.

"I ran into our old friend Ruby, I confronted her, and she knocked me out."

Dean looked at Sam, "I thought you said you haven't seen her."

"She was the bitch who answered the door," I said, pulling my hand out of Sam's.

"Sam?" Dean was starting to get angry.

"I–I don't know what she's talking about. She got hit on the head really hard, maybe she's not remembering things exactly right."

"Sam please, don't lie. I confronted her, called her name, and she attacked me," I sat up on the bed and got as far away from him as possible. "She even told me you're still drinking demon blood."

"You're what?!" Dean exploded at that, yelling so loud it made my head hurt.

"Dean, it's not what you think okay? I'm saving people," Sam tried to explain.

"What are you talking about?"

"The demon blood makes him strong enough that he can exorcise the demons out of people using his power, instead of killing them with the knife," I put my throbbing head in my hands.

"So you're still using your power? After you promised me you wouldn't? Wow…" Dean just stared at Sam. "And you!" Dean pointed at me, "You knew about this and didn't tell me?"

"Um, you kinda just crawled out of hell, didn't want to dump this in your lap first thing! Plus, I haven't talked to Sam in 4 months, I was kinda hoping he would have stopped it by now, but clearly he hasn't," I couldn't look at Sam. I felt bad because I made Dean mad at him, but maybe he would actually listen to Dean and stop this.

"Dean, hey, let's take a walk and let you cool off," Bobby grabbed Dean's arm and dragged him out of the room.

"This is **not** over!" Dean pointed at Sam as Bobby shut the door.

I sighed and put the cold washcloth on the back of my head. It stung like hell so I pulled it away and there was blood on the washcloth. Sam was still standing behind me so he saw this and I heard him suck air in through his teeth. "That looks like it hurts."

"Nah, it feels great," I snarked.

He came around in front of me and sat on the other bed, our knees touching. "Look (Y/N), maybe Ruby didn't recognize you or–"

I put my hand up to stop him from talking, "Don't. Don't you dare defend her to me," tears started to blur my vision. No, dammit, I was not going to cry in front of him. I got up and walked to the bathroom to rinse out the washcloth. A bra was hanging on the shower rod and I almost threw up. Not only was he working with a demon, drinking demon blood, but he was screwing her too?! I threw the washcloth in the sink and started to leave.

"(Y/N), wait, please," Sam grabbed my arm.

"Wait for what? Your note was pretty clear, and the bra hanging in the bathroom is even clearer. You don't need me, you're getting along just fine with Ruby. That's great, I'm glad you're so happy Sam, please let me go," I couldn't even turn around to look at him.

I heard him sigh and then my arm was free. I walked down to Bobby's car, tears rolling down my face. Dean and Bobby were standing by the car and when Dean saw me he opened his mouth to fuss some more, but he saw I was crying and shut it real quick. I crawled in the back seat and Bobby started the car.

"You comin' Dean?" Bobby asked him.

"Nah, I'm gonna go talk to Sammy, see if I can get him to think straight."

"All right, good luck with that," Bobby put it in drive.

"Hold on Bobby," Dean opened the back door and pulled me out, embracing me. "I'm gonna make him understand why this is wrong okay? I promise, I'm gonna get my brother back."

I nodded and crumpled his shirt in my hand, who knows when I would get to hug him again. He set me back down in the backseat and closed the door gently.

"See you around guys," he tapped the roof of the car and Bobby took off. I looked back to see him standing in the parking lot, hand raised in a good-bye.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a couple months since we had seen Sam and Dean. We talked on the phone every now and then. Bobby and I went on a few hunts, saved a few people. it was life as usual for hunters.

Then one day Bobby got a call from Dean. Sam was getting really bad, he hadn't seen Ruby in weeks and he was acting really erratic, like an addict going through withdrawal. Dean wanted to bring Sam to the panic room and force him to dry out but he knew Sam wasn't going to like it. So Bobby called Sam and made up a story about needing their help to get him to come to the house. The moment they walked in, my heart broke. Sam looked awful. His eyes were bloodshot, he looked rundown, and exhausted.

He nodded in my direction and I gave him a half-smile. "Hey Sam."

"So what's up Bobby?" he asked, all business.

"Come on downstairs, I'll show you," Bobby, Dean, Sam and I walked down the stairs. I was a nervous wreck. Was this going to work? Was Sam going to be able to tell what we had planned?

"Ok, so what's the big demon problem?" he asked as he stepped inside the panic room.

"You are–this is for you own good," Bobby slammed the door shut.

"Guys? Hey–this isn't funny! Open the door!" Sam banged his hand against the door.

Dean turned around, and I could tell he was in pain. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he buried his face in my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry Dean. He'll get through this, he will, we'll help him," I rubbed the back of his head with my hand.

"Yeah," he straightened up and went up the stairs to the living room, Bobby close behind him.

Sam was yelling and banging on the door, demanding to be let out. He sounded so scared, like a little boy, it was breaking my heart. I walked over and opened the little window so I could talk to him.

"(Y/N), this isn't funny, let me out."

"We can't Sam, not until you dry out," my voice broke and I cleared my throat. Had to be strong for Sam.

"Are you guys treating this like some kind of intervention?" he asked.

"Sam, look at you! You've got all the signs of someone in withdrawal, of course we're treating this like an intervention, you're addicted to demon blood! What happened, did Ruby leave you high and dry?"

"She's hunting for Lillith, so I haven't been able to reach her," he sat on the bed. "I'm not drinking the demon blood for kicks, you know, I need it to be strong enough to kill Lillith."

"Yeah, I've heard this song and dance before. Have you forgotten that the angels said Dean is supposed to kill Lillith?"

"You know he's not strong enough! He hasn't been the same since he got back from hell."

I leaned my head against the metal door, "I'll come down and check on you in a little while," I slid the little window closed.

As I walked up the stairs Sam's voice echoed in my ears, hurting me to the core. "Let me out! Please! Let me out!"

I walked into the living room where Bobby and Dean were having a drink. Bobby poured me one and handed it to me. I swallowed it in one big gulp.

"How long is he going to be like this?" Dean asked. Sam's screams filled the living room, even though he was all the way downstairs.

"I don't know, let me consult my demon detox manual. Oh wait, no one ever wrote one!" Bobby sat back in his chair. "He just has to get it out of his system. Two to three days maybe, if he even survives it."

Dean and I stared at Bobby. What did he mean by that? If he **survives** it?

A couple hours later I walked downstairs to check on Sam. I could hear him talking to someone, who was in there? I slid open the little window and he was staring at the wall.

"We were never going to be normal, we were never going to get away. Grow up."

I slid the window closed as quietly as I could. Oh God, he was losing his mind.

I went back upstairs and Dean was missing. "Where's Dean?" I asked Bobby.

"Went outside to get some air I guess," Bobby took a drink.

Sam started yelling for help again. I couldn't listen to that too much longer, **I** would go insane.

"Bobby, are we doing the right thing here?"

"I'm startin' to wonder that myself."

Just then Dean walked back in. "Where were you?" I asked him.

He took off his coat and threw it on the couch, "Talking to Cas."

"What did he say?"

"I told him I would do it."

"Dean no!" I gasped.

"Wait a minute, are you saying you willingly signed up to be the angel's bitch?" Bobby said.

"What other option do I have? It's either trust them or have Sammy trust a demon."

I put my head in my hands. Great, so first we lost him to hell, now we were going to lose him to the angels. Suddenly, we realized it was quiet…too quiet.

"You hear that?" Dean asked.

"That's a little too much nothin'," Bobby said. We ran downstairs, and Dean opened the little window. He and Bobby looked in, but I couldn't see past them.

"What's happening?!" I grabbed Dean's shoulder.

"What if he's faking?" Dean asked Bobby.

"Faking what? What is going on!"

"Do you really think he would—" Bobby said.

"I think he'd do anything," Dean said.

Suddenly I heard a loud bang come from inside the room. "That ain't fakin'!" Bobby said and threw the door open. Sam had been thrown up against the wall and he was having a seizure. Suddenly he was rolling sideways down the wall, smashing into the table, the pitcher of water flying off and crashing to the floor. Dean and Bobby ran in and pulled him down off the wall while I stood in the doorway, frozen, my hand over my mouth. I couldn't move. Oh God, we're killing him. Bobby pulled his belt off and stuck it in Sam's mouth so he wouldn't bite his tongue.

"We're gonna have to tie him down for his own safety," Bobby said.

I choked back a sob and Dean looked up at me. The pain in his face…this was destroying him.

"Dean! You with me?!" Bobby yelled. "Dean?! Before he has another fit!"

"Yeah, yeah, let's just get it over with," Dean said, defeated.

I couldn't stay and watch them do that to Sam. I ran back up the stairs, tears blurring my vision. What were we doing? Was this helping Sam? I wasn't sure anymore. I was in the kitchen, bawling my eyes out, when Dean and Bobby came walking back up the stairs. Dean came straight to me, pulling me into his arms. I sobbed into his chest and he rested his chin on my head, "I know, I know," he said, rubbing my back.

"I'm gonna ask, are we absolutely sure we're doing the right thing?" Bobby said.

"What? Bobby, you saw what was happening to him down there. The demon blood was flinging him all over the room, it's killing him" I felt Dean shudder and I squeezed him tighter.

"No, we are. I'm sorry, I can't bite my tongue anymore. **We're** killing him, keeping him locked up down there, this cold turkey thing ain't working! If he doesn't get what he needs, soon, Sam's not gonna last much longer."

Dean spoke so quietly I almost didn't hear him, "No. I'm not giving him demon blood, I won't do it."

"Dean, please," I begged him.

"And if he dies?" Bobby said.

Dean let go of me and walked towards Bobby, getting in his face, "Then at least he dies human!"

"No!" I screamed. "You can't let him die!"

"I'm sorry (Y/N)," Dean turned and looked at me, tears in his eyes, "you know I would die for him in a second, but I won't let him do this to himself, I can't. I guess I found my line. I won't let my brother turn into a monster."

"You're a selfish bastard!" I screamed and ran out of the house into the junkyard. I fell into a car out in the yard and cried myself to sleep.

I woke a few hours later to the sound of someone breaking into a car nearby. I sat up, rubbing my eyes and saw that it was Sam. How in the hell did he get out of the panic room? I had to stop him, he was going back to that bitch.

I got out of the car and walked up behind him, touching him on the shoulder, "Sam?"

He jumped and spun around like he expected someone else. "(Y/N)?"

"Sam, where are you going? Please don't leave, we're trying to help you."

"No, you're trying to kill me. I have to go (Y/N), I need it," he was sweaty and bloody and looked so desperate.

"But why? Why do you have to go back to Ruby? We'll help you. I'll talk to Dean, convince him that you need it. We can do this together, please Sam."

"Oh so now you're okay with me drinking demon blood?" he smirked.

"No, of course not," I said softly. "But I don't want you to die either."

"I'm sorry, I've got to go," he turned back around to get in the car.

"No, you're not leaving me again for that bitch," I pulled my gun out of my back and aimed it at him. "Get back inside."

He turned around slowly, "You won't shoot me. You **can't**."

"Try me," I said.

"You hate me that much?"

"No, I **love** you that much! I don't want to lose you again, I can't lose you again!" Tears were flowing freely down my face now.

Sam walked towards me and slowly pulled the gun out of my hands. "I'm sorry," he said, throwing it far away from me. I stood there, helpless, as he got in the car, hot-wired it, and drove away from me, again.

I ran inside the house where Dean and Bobby were both fast asleep. "Wake up! Sam escaped!" I screamed. They both jumped up and we ran down to the panic room which was locked up tight.

"How in the hell did he get out?" I said.

"I don't know. Ruby?" Dean said.

"Look at all the busted devil's traps," Bobby said.

"Who cares, can we just find him please?!" I said.

Dean did some research and figured out where Sam was headed. He left to go get him and Bobby and I stayed behind watching the police networks for any sign of him. We narrowed it down to the exact hotel and Bobby called Dean and let him know.

We didn't hear from Dean for hours and I was pacing the floor, sick with worry. Suddenly we heard the roar of the Impala pulling up outside. I ran out the door and saw there was only one person in the car. Where was Sam? Dean opened his door and slowly got out.

"Dean, where's Sam?" I ran around the car and then I saw his face. His nose was bleeding, there was a cut above his eye and he was limping.

"What happened?!" I ran to him and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, helping him walk into the house.

"He's gone, Sammy's gone (Y/N)," he was close to tears.

"What do you mean, gone?!"

"He chose Ruby–he chose a **demon** over me! We got in a huge fight, he choked me (Y/N)! When he was leaving—I told him that if he walked out the door to never come back."

I gasped, that was the same hateful thing John had said to him when he left for Stanford. "Dean—no."

"I couldn't help it. I was so angry, it just came out. I've lost him for good now. My brother's gonna become a monster, and it's all my fault," he broke down then. We had reached the stairs and I helped him sit down and hugged him close to me. I held back my tears, I had to be strong for Dean.


	4. Chapter 4

Bobby and I were at home when all the news stations went crazy reporting what they thought was a terrorist attack on the abandoned convent. They had no idea it was the damn apocalypse.

Dean had been taken from us, we assumed by the angels, and we didn't know where Sam was, so we just waited. What else could we do? Finally Bobby got a call from Dean that he and Sam were safe and they were in Ohio, and he filled him in on the angel's plan. Bobby and I jumped in the Impala and drove as fast as we could. I had so many questions. Where was Ruby? Was Sam okay? What had happened?

We knocked on the door and Dean answered, "Hey Bobby."

Bobby gave him a hug and then walked into the room.

"Hi Dean," I smiled and he hugged me tight, "Hey girl."

Bobby hugged Sam and as he let him go he looked my way. I stood beside Dean, frozen. I was so glad to see him, alive, but I was still really hurt.

He walked over to where I was standing and pulled me into a hug, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I felt tears in my eyes as I hugged him back. It felt so good to be in his arms again.

Dean cleared his throat, "You guys weren't followed were you?"

"No, I don't think so," Bobby said. "So, Sword of Michael huh?"

"Do you think we're talking about an actual sword?"

"You better friggin' hope so."

Bobby, Dean and Sam sat at the little table in the room while he filled them in on what we had found out about Michael and his sword, showing them one of the books he had found in his house. I dropped the others on the bed and started looking through them.

"So where do we start?" Sam asked.

"Divvy up and start reading, try and make sense of all this."

Sam walked down the stairs to the bed I was sitting on to grab a book but he stopped. He had a look on his face like there was something on his mind.

"Sam?" I asked.

He breathed a deep sigh and said, "Guys, this is all my fault, I'm sorry."

"Sam–" Dean interrupted.

"Lillith did not break the final seal, Lillith **was** the final seal."

I looked from him to Dean in shock.

"Sam, stop it," Dean said.

"I killed her, and I set Lucifer free," Sam said.

"You what?" Bobby said.

"You guys warned me about Ruby and the demon blood but I didn't listen. I brought this on," he looked like he was about to cry. I stood and took his hand in mine.

"You didn't know Sam, it's okay."

He looked at me, thanking me with his eyes.

Bobby stood up from the table and walked over to Sam. "You're damn right you didn't listen. You were reckless, and selfish, and arrogant."

"Bobby!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"I'm sorry," Sam said again.

"Oh yeah? You're sorry you started armageddon? This kinda thing don't get forgiven boy!"

"Bobby! Stop it!" I was appalled.

"If by some miracle we pull this off, I want you to lose my number. Understand me?"

Sam looked like he had been punched in the gut.

"Sam, he doesn't mean that. Bobby, tell him you don't mean that!" I grabbed Bobby's arm but he yanked it away from me and walked back up to the table.

"There's an old church nearby, maybe I'll go read some of the lore books there," Sam said.

"Yeah, you do that," Bobby said, his back turned to Sam.

"I'm coming with you," I said, grabbing my coat. "I can't believe you Bobby!"

Sam and I walked out of the hotel room and down the street.

"Sam, you know Bobby didn't mean those things. He's just upset and stressed out right now," I said.

"No, he was right to say them. What I did is unforgivable. I started the damn apocalypse."

"But you didn't know Sam, Ruby tricked you," we walked for a few moments in silence before I asked, "Where is she anyway?"

"Dead. Dean killed her with the demon knife."

I tried not to do a backflip right there on the street, but that was the best news I had heard in a year. Suddenly Sam stopped walking and turned to me, grabbing my hands and squeezing them.

"(Y/N) I'm so sorry I left you in that motel room. That was totally uncalled for."

I nodded my head, too emotional to speak.

"And I'm sorry I tried to defend Ruby when she knocked you out in the parking lot. I was so blinded by my hatred of Lillith that I was excusing things Ruby did that I never should have."

"It's okay Sam," I said.

"No, it's not okay, and there's nothing I can say or do that will make it okay," he let go of my hands and started walking again. I had to walk really fast to catch up with him and when I did I grabbed his arm and spun him around to look at me.

"Ok, then how about if I say I forgive you?" I said, begging him with my eyes to believe me.

"Do you?"

"Yes, I do. I understand why you did what you did. You thought you were doing the right thing."

He stared at me for a minute, then said, "Thank you," and leaned down and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my head on his shoulder. He pulled back, looked in my eyes, and then he kissed me! I was so surprised I didn't know what to do, I'm not even sure if I kissed him back. He pulled away abruptly and said, "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that, that was stupid."

"Sam—shut up," I grabbed his face in both my hands and pulled him back down, crushing my lips onto his, all those years of wanting and frustration pouring out of me. He grabbed me and pressed me up against him and I bit down on his lower lip, running my hands up his neck and grabbing on to his hair. He moaned and lifted me up so that my legs were wrapped around his waist, before–we realized we were still on the street! We both stopped, breathless, and he rested his forehead against mine before he set me back down on the sidewalk.

"What made you change your mind?" I asked, my arms wrapped around his waist.

"About?" he looked confused.

"Don't you remember we decided we should just be friends since we're both hunters and blah blah blah…?"

"Oh, yeah–that," he smiled. "I guess the world coming to an end kinda makes that not seem important anymore."

"Good," I smiled.

We started walking down the street again when a thought occurred to me. "Hey Sam, how are you feeling? I mean, are you having any withdrawal symptoms?"

"No. It's really strange, no headaches, no fever, nothing. It's like whatever rescued me and Dean from Lucifer cleaned me right up."

"Well that's good news."

"Yeah, at least we have **some** good news," he smiled a little half-smile.

"Oh shit, I just realized we forgot the books!" I stopped and smacked myself on the forehead.

"Damn," Sam looked devastated, "I really don't want to go back there right now, Bobby was really mad."

"How about if I go in the room and you just stay outside?"

"All right, I guess," we turned around and headed back to the hotel.

I opened the door to the room and what greeted me was utter chaos. Dean was fighting with a guy on the floor and Bobby was lying in between the beds, stabbed!

"Sam!" I screamed and ran for Bobby.

Sam came running in the room, saw Bobby and yelled, "No!" before a woman who I hadn't even seen bashed him in the face with the phone.

"Meg," Sam recognized her right away. Oh great, just what we needed, another blast from the past. I pulled the knife out of Bobby and threw it to Dean who stabbed the man he was fighting with. I put my hands on Bobby's stomach to try and stop the bleeding while Dean started walking towards Meg. She smoked out before he could knife her of course.

"Dean!" I yelled and both him and Sam ran over to where Bobby lay on the floor. "What the hell happened?"

"He was possessed," Dean said, grabbing a pillow and ripping the pillowcase off, pressing it against Bobby's wound.

"So–that wasn't him talking?" Sam looked so relieved.

"I knew something was off, Bobby would never say those things," I said.

"Come on, we gotta get him to the hospital," Dean said.


End file.
